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Can You Ever Enjoy the Things You Once Did Together?


Lifestyle Improvement

Posted On: Mar 22, 2017

Can You Ever Enjoy the Things You Once Did Together?

Listening to a meaningful song. Visiting the places where you spent time together. Going on vacations to cities you explored with each other. After the passing of someone you love, you feel like you'll never enjoy anything again. You don't particularly want to interact with the rest of the world at all, but you know that will fade in time. It's much harder to reconcile reconnecting with all the things you and your loved one used to do. It's just as difficult to think about the places, songs, movies, and activities that the person you lost liked to do. Can you ever enjoy any of the things the two of you once did together or are they forever lost to you?

Give It Some Time

In the beginning—perhaps even for the first several months—you can't even handle the thought of participating in anything you did with your loved one. Your emotions are too close to the surface right now. Your nerves are too raw. Everything is still fresh, and you're vulnerable. Hearing a song that the two of you loved, seeing a show or movie you watched together, even being in certain rooms of your home will bring back all the memories and leave you sobbing and mourning all over again. Give it some time. Don't push yourself too hard. You need space away from the things you did together. Time creates a healing buffer, so the memories won't be so poignant and sharp.

Take It Slow

When you feel like you're ready, slowly return to the things you and your loved one enjoyed together. Reintroduce yourself to one thing at a time. What was meaningful between the two of you? What now leaves you sad and depressed? You might want to make a list, but whatever you do, don't overwhelm yourself. Read a book that the deceased enjoyed. Visit a spot that meant something to the two of you. Listen to a song that mattered to you both.

Bring Support if You Need It

You might need someone with you when you experience these things without your loved one for the first time. Some people prefer to do this alone, but it's fine if you want to bring a friend or relative with you for emotional support. Even if you need to ask that person to step away at some point, you still have someone with you if you feel the need to scream, cry, or simply grieve quietly.

If certain memories trigger your grief, however, it's fine to avoid them as long as you need to, even if it's for the rest of your life. That's no one's business but yours. It doesn't matter if you never listen to a certain love song or visit a particular restaurant again. You have to do what's best for you and your personal healing process.