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It's Okay If You Don't Feel Strong Enough to Go On

Category: 

Grieving Process

Posted On: Jun 01, 2017

It's Okay If You Don't Feel Strong Enough to Go On

When you lose someone, the people around you are quick to offer platitudes, words of encouragement, and other pieces of advice that they mean to be helpful. Most of the relatives and friends who try to comfort you following a devastating death have the best of intentions. The sentiments they share with you come from a good place. Just because they come from a place of love and support doesn't mean that they're always the most supportive things to hear, however. In particular, it's commonplace to tell the bereaved that they're strong or that they'll grow stronger and to assure them that they can go on. What happens when you don't feel strong enough, though? What if you're not yet in a place where you feel like you'll go on with your life? You have to understand that it's okay to feel this way. It's all right if you don't feel strong enough to go on yet. You don't have to.

You'll Get There When You Get There

No one can just “get over” a death. It doesn't happen overnight or automatically. There are no rules or protocols to follow to get over it and move on with the rest of your life. You don't have to follow anyone else's timeline, nor should you force down your feelings in an effort to appear strong or stoic to others. Out of all the things you'll go through in life, this is one times that you absolutely need to feel your feelings.

Grief Doesn't Equal Weakness

You can be strong and still feel sad. Giving into your grief doesn't mean you lack strength. On the contrary, giving yourself space and permission to deal with your emotions, examine them, and let them come is an enormous show of strength. Weak people hide. Strong people reveal their vulnerabilities. Weak people bury their emotions. Strong people embrace them.

Moving On Isn't That Simple

Some people never move on from a death. They always mourn the person they lost. That doesn't mean that you can't continue with your life, of course, but the concept of moving on is different for everyone—and, again, it's not equal to strength. You will move on if and when you're ready, not a moment before.

Don't rush yourself just to follow a platitude from someone who means well but doesn't share it properly. It's true that, if you feel like you can't go on with your life as it was, you may want to talk to a therapist or grief counselor. Otherwise, remember that grief is personal. Feel your feelings.