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The Death of a Fiancé(e) Feels Like the Loss of the Future

Category: 

Bereavement Relief

Posted On: Mar 14, 2017

The Death of a Fiancé(e) Feels Like the Loss of the Future

Losing your fiancé/fiancée hits hard. It is not greater or lesser than the loss of anyone else, generally speaking, but it is very different. It is proof that even though the process of bereavement is more or less the same for everyone, the actual emotion is intensely personal and unique. The type of grief you feel depends largely on your relationship with the deceased. The death of someone to whom you're engaged is a tremendous, literally breathtaking blow. Getting through it seems like an impossibility, and the future doesn't look like anything special any longer.

You're Mourning More than the Person

The grief you feel for your partner her or himself is paramount. It's all-encompassing. There's no question that you mourn your fiancé. To say that you grieve for more than the person does not negate that sadness or undermine it. However, you've lost so much. What does it mean to have a fiancé(e)? What does it mean to be engaged to someone? It means you're planning your future together. You have dreams of the wedding and the honeymoon, of course, but also of babies, first houses, family holidays, big moves, your grandchildren—your entire future. You lose all of that in the blink of an eye. As you cry for your partner, you also weep for what might have been, what was supposed to be, and what no longer exists.

No One Will Take Her/His Place

You will find love again if that's what you choose. If you're open to it, you'll even become engaged again, get married, and start a family. The memory of your fiancé(e) and the love you had will stay with you, however. You won't love your future partner any less at all—you may even love that person more; it all depends on so many things. However, the love you had for the person you lost will stay with you, even if it's just a memory.

Sometimes, You'll Be Alone

It's unfortunate and scary to contemplate, but it's true. It's not because your friends and family, the people closest to you, are uncaring, selfish, or oblivious. Time will move on more quickly for them, however, and they may not always realize why you're sad, or even that you feel sad in the first place. It's not because they don't care. Don't be afraid to speak up and say that you need comfort or support.

You won't want to move on, you won't even want to think about it, and you shouldn't rush yourself. Don't close yourself off, either, though. This is a painful experience, but it won't break you—even if it feels like it will.