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When Your Partner Won't Comfort You in Your Grief


Grieving Process

Posted On: Feb 27, 2017

When Your Partner Won't Comfort You in Your Grief

Sometimes, your partner cannot comfort you. Sometimes they won't. There are many reasons. In most cases, it's likely that your significant other simply doesn't know how to cope with grief, or with emotions in general. There are different reasons for that, as well. It's not fair that you can't turn to the person closest to you, but as death itself proves, life isn't always fair. However, you don't have to accept that. You need comfort, and your partner or spouse is the person who's supposed to care for you through the hardest times.

Talk to Your Partner Outright

Your grief is happening. It's normal, natural, and understanding to need someone to hold you, comfort you, and talk to you, especially during the worst of it. Don't confront your partner—be aware of your tone, especially since your nerves are raw and your emotions are likely running high. Avoid being antagonistic or angry. That will just put your partner on the defensive from the start.

Just talk to her or him. Ask your partner why s/he won't comfort you. Confess how badly it hurts, and how badly you need support. This is your person. Feel free to speak your feelings.

Seek Comfort from Someone Else

Did anyone else know the person who died, someone close to you? If you can go to a trusted family member or close friend and share your grief, feel free to do so. Talk about the departed. Share your memories. Hold each other as you cry. Give each other room and space to weep and grieve. This doesn't fix the problem with your partner, but again, you need help as you work through your bereavement. Your mental health depends on it.

Join a Grief Group

If you don't have anyone with whom you can grieve, there are still other options. Participating in a grief group will introduce you to a circle of people who know exactly how you feel. They've been through it, as well. You can also turn to a therapist, a grief counselor, or a spiritual adviser, all of whom are more than capable of providing the compassion and care that you need.

In time, however, you do need to work out the issue with your spouse. Perhaps s/he can benefit from speaking to a counselor or therapist, as well.