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You Can't Take Out Your Anger on Your Loved Ones


Grieving Process

Posted On: Mar 09, 2017

You Can't Take Out Your Anger on Your Loved Ones

Anger is a dominant emotion after the death of someone you love. Often, it's even more pressing than the sadness, which can occasionally come later. You're angry about so many things. It's difficult to come to terms with that fury or find closure for it because there's nowhere for it to go and nothing can really calm it, soothe it, or fix the issue. That's all right, even normal until your anger begins to affect your relationship with other people. Once it reaches a point where you're taking out your feelings on the people around you, then you have a problem, and you need to seek help.

Pay Attention to How Others Behave Around You

It seems unlikely, but it's not always possible to recognize your anger issues. You may not feel angry. Perhaps you don't realize that you're coming across as irritable or that you keep snapping at your loved ones. In the depths of grief, anger feels healthy. Well, anger is normal, but you become so desensitized and numb to how you feel, you don't realize how bad it is.

So how can you know if you're hurting the people around you? It involves taking a step back and putting things in perspective. Pay attention to people as you speak to them. Observe how they behave when you walk into a room or enter into a conversation. Do they seem tentative or poised to flinch? Are they automatically on guard? The sad truth is that it's possible you've been lashing out or being snarky without even realizing it.

Monitor Your Responses and Reactions

Once you see things from another perspective and become aware of your anger, it's somewhat easier to pinpoint it. Start figuring out your trigger points. Try to discern how you feel when you're in the middle of a rage. What irritates you? When do you most feel the need to snap, berate, or speak in a mad tone of voice?


Yes, even in your grief, you need to apologize for your actions. Bereavement doesn't give you permission to treat people badly. It's not an excuse to lash out at others. It doesn't justify your behavior or make it all right in any way. Apologize to the people you've hurt because they're hurting, too, and now they also have to deal with your negative emotions. Humble yourself.

Seek Help

Anger issues can become a serious problem when mixed with grief. While a certain level of anger for a certain length of time is reasonable, it isn't natural for it to last a long time, to bury deeply, or to interfere with your interactions.

You owe it to yourself and the people around you to discover what's wrong. Don't let your anger fester.